The dominance scale!

I have had some people ask me about the dominance scale, believing that it was never actually thought out. ARE YOU KIDDING? OF COURSE I once put this down. It was on myspace, but now it is on SBF. Enjoy. INTO THE MYSPACE VAULTS EVERYONE!

From June 2006.....
I know you guys have been awaiting this for quite some time, aka since I was drunk at the beach, so here goes with the Official Dominance Scale

1) Humans. Obvie. We are smart, we created guns and zoos and WE HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS

2) Bears. While Grizzly, Black, and Golden are all frightening, I believe they are all not as dangerous as the Polar. If you were to eat a bite of a Polar Bear's liver, you die. They are lethal. Plus they'd probably kill you for your Coke if you were at a Pole, freezing your ass off.

3) Sharks. Their ADD moves them down-they have to keep moving in order to breath. Plus Dolphins can kill them and people pay to swim with Dolphins. How can you be killed by something that gets caught in Tuna Nets?

SIDE NOTE: If this were the vacuum, I think Bears do have the edge over Sharks. Bears can strike while on all fours OR stand up for a two swing approach. Sharks can't really go vertical. Plus Sharks just have the teeth. Bears have the fangs and claws. 2 v 1 wins IN THE VACUUM.

4) Monkeys. Pros: Congo scared me; the thought of King Kong would certainly move these guys up(though Kong was seduced by Naomi Watts, which face it, is something Humans would never fall for, dominance for Humans); and the opposable thumb potential is there. Cons: We still own guns; red asses move them down.

5) Wild Boars/Razorbacks With the sharp tusks and they run fast. Plus tough skin. However, I think Humans take them in the long haul. I see pictures of spits all the time with hogs of some sort on them.

6) Elephants. They TOO have tusks and are REALLY big. But as Lee Corso would say, "NOT so fast my friend!" They are really slow. And they cry. Like Urban Meyer.

7) Horses. Look what they did to Superman! Though they do lose points that if they break a leg WE turn them into glue that our children eat. HAHAHAHAHA

8) Birds of Prey. Now I am not talking about Owls(what are they going to screech at us, make us pick up litter) or Hawks(are they going to play swingman on us) or Falcons(are they going to throw an interception on us). No I am talking about Ducks. Those plucky sonsabitches. Seagulls too. I saw The Birds. If they banded together, we'd be in trouble. Big "if" though.

9) Lions and Tigers and other Jungle Cats. Since I am never going to Africa, I think I am safe. What you say, am I scared? NO I am making the dominant choice of preferring to see them on MY turf, at a zoo. This is what the most dominant team in the regular season gets in the postseason. I am making the same rules apply. Also, last time I check, I wouldn't be scared of the Lions anyways. Detroit sucked last year, and UGA owns Mike the Tiger, who lives IN A CAGE.

10) Whales, Dolphins, other fish. Anything that beaches itself isn't the smartest animal, though some whales do have 16 ft wangs. I don't know where they'd put that if they were humans, but it kinda makes me feel bad about the soup can.

11)Jellyfish. Anything I can take down with a boogyboard, IS NOT DOMINANT. Plus I like saying Boogy.

12) Ants, Bees, Insects. Anything I can kill with RAID or my SHOE is not dominant. Killer Moth aside Sean, but I am known as The Moth Killa!

*Note if Dinosaurs were still around they would clearly be #1. Anything that can eat me in one gulp wins. Some would argue that a lion or shark could eat me. Really? A shark, on land? Interesting. In water? Not when I go down in my shark cage and shoot them with a harpoon ALL WHILE USING MY OPPOSABLE THUMBS. Also, Rick made the arguement at the beach about a virus. Not when I flush the petri dish it is in.

That is what this scale comes down to. We are the smartest, best suited to run the world. We win, they lose. I am finito!

Remember this blog from the myspace days?

This will be a new feature on Sportsbyfletch. We'll go back to our old myspace days and bring back some of the old blogs.

Enjoy.....

This past Saturday was the bachelor party, and apparently CT had never been to a strip club before. Well when the Body heard this, he tried to let CT know just what strip clubs were all about.

Here is what he said...

"Turner, have you ever been to a roller rink? It is kinda like that, but the women are naked."

Sean and I had a field day with this.

I responded, "Yeah and there are NO roller skates or an actual RINK."

That of course led to a good 20 minutes of "A strip club is just like........." jokes

Here were some of the best

A sugar packet, but instead of having Sugar inside, there are strippers.

A firestation. There is a pole, but strippers, not firemen.

A golf course because there are plenty of holes, but no carts, just strippers.

An ice skating rink, only without the ice, and instead strippers.

a band-aid, but with strippers instead of gauze.

a McDonalds, only without french fries, but strippers instead.

Paul Mac weighs in on Tiger's press conference

Paul Mac is covering the Masters for Score Atlanta as well as SportsbyFletch. He weighs in on Tiger's press conference yesterday....

Really nice job yesterday. He really covered the bases well. Honestly I don’t understand the hatred. I’m not sure why people are so angry. I hear… well he’s a fake. Um 99% of America wants to be something they aren’t. This is all jealousy. Then you get… well he didn’t even get punished. Looking at yourself in the mirror knowing what you did and knowing that your parents and the entire free world knows what you did is embarrassing enough.

The only thing he truly cares about outside of golf is privacy. His freaking multi billion dollar yacht IS NAMED PRIVACY. For the rest of his life he will be the butt of jokes and not be able to do anything without being a tabloid story. I’d say that price is high enough. I don’t feel the need to boo a guy while he’s working and providing me with some entertainment.

Purnell to DePaul? what?

First off, let me say good job Coach K. You survived BUTLER to win your 4th (3rd in my book) National title. KUDOS TO YOU.

I feel dirty.

Now let's move on to a story that made me LAUGH OUT LOUD. Klimpsen's Oliver Purnell shocked EVERYONE by taking the DePaul job. Are you kidding me? He walked away from the cushy job that was Clemson where no one seemed to care that he ALWAYS folded down the stretch (aka when the conference schedule started) and he has STILL NEVER won an NCAA game, for DePaul, based in Chicago where he WILL be gone in three years if he doesn't win an NCAA game.

Yeah, in the BIG EAST, he's likely to be MAYBE 9th best with his BEST team. If he thought the ACC was hard (and he typically did. that MUST be why his in conference record was always a sad sack of crap opposed to the record he compiled before the conference schedule started....), just imagine how hard the Big East will be.

This is really funny. He just killed the golden goose. He flew too close to the sun and the glue of his wings melted....Purnell, not a smart move my man.

I wonder what Clemson will do....wait, maybe hire a coach that CAN win an NCAA game. PERHAPS!

HAVE DABO coach the team! DO IT!

Has that ball landed yet?

Jason Heyward came up with the score tied 3-3 in the first, runners on first and third and one out. After he laid off of a pitch away, he sent a ball screaming into the bullpen 435 feet away. A legend isn't just born but it has been cemented.

Derek Lowe gave up a three-run home run in the first only to see the Braves battle back to tie the game up at three and THAT is when the fireworks started. WOW. Heyward was a MAN today. Then Brian McCann sent a home run into the frenzied Turner Field crowd. Though DLowe gave up another home run, the Braves supported him with even more runs in the seventh thanks to Yunel Escobar's bases-loaded double to finish with five RBI for the game and Heyward drove in yet another run (he finished with four though another runner scored when he reached on an error.) Heyward scored a few runs and he looks like a superstar.
I said yesterday on Score Atlanta Sports Sunday that I hoped people didn't put too much on him too soon like everyone did with Jeff Francoeur, but perhaps this kid can handle it. I do hope though that Chipper continues to carry the team this season and then maybe McCann takes "control" of the team next year. Let Heyward ease into the "face of the franchise" role.
Between Hanson, Jurrjens, McCann and now Heyward on board, this team scored 16 runs today and really looks like a strong wild card contender, if not the leader in the clubhouse.
Doc Holladay looked strong in an 11-1 Philly win, but if the Braves offense averages just 6 runs per game....hello playoffs.

This is going to be a special season with Bobby leaving and McCann going to the all-star game yet again, and Hanson hopefully ascending to "ACE" of the team...Heyward though could make this one of the most special we've seen perhaps since 1999, the last time the Braves went to the World Series. Hopefully it is more like 1995...and you know what happened then.

You think I'm HAPPY about this?

As I rode in to work this morning, folks on the radio kept telling me I should be thrilled. I should LOVE LIFE right now. I say BOO to that.

As a Redskins fan NO I am not happy about trading for Donovan McNabb and I'll tell you why. We gave up the No. 37 pick in the draft this season AS WELL AS a third or fourth rounder next season to get a guy that will likely only play 9-11 games for us (look at his injury history. Shoot, he played just 14 games last season!) then bolt for Minnesota after the season to replace Brett Favre under Brad Childress, one of his former coaches in Philly. He openly said he wanted to play for Childress and Minny. So I give up basically a second first round pick this season (the draft pool is DEEP) AND another pick next season for McNabb who will play PART of ONE season for us before he leaves for the Vikings?

You want me to be excited over that?

The only reason this went down is because new coach Mike Shanahan looked at Campbell and said, "OH HECK NO!" and realized McNabb was better than Clausen or McCoy or Pike, and that is true. But ONE YEAR? AT THAT PRICE of the draft picks? Come on.

And he MIGHT get us to the playoffs (we still play in the division with Dallas-a playoff team, NYGiants (SB champs three years ago) and Philly (a playoff team last season that still has two other QBs with playing experience!). DO I REALLY THINK HE'LL win us a Super Bowl in his one season? NO.

So what will he do? Will he make his 7th Pro Bowl? Perhaps (because other QBs will drop out, not because I believe in Devin Thomas, Malcolm Kelly or Santana Moss). Will he make his 6th NFC championship game? Doubtful (but this team SHOULD be better now that it respects its coach). Will he put up decent numbers that will get him either a WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY to large of a contract from Snyder in an attempt to keep him from going to the Vikings? LIKELY.

Another thing should be addressed as well. Why were the Eagles shopping him, first of all; and secondly, do they REALLY think he has that much in the tank that they'd trade him to a team they will face TWICE this season? Shouldn't they be afraid to face him if he still has his QB gifts? They traded him WITHIN THE DIVISION. Scares me as to if he is still the McNabb that took his team to all of those NFC Championship games.

Oh and I cannot wait to see if he throws up in the huddle if the Skins actually DO make the playoffs. Wait, he'll probably be hurt at that point in the season. WHO NEEDS AN ACL? Ribs, what are those? We don't need no stinkin' ankle!

I do like McNabb over Rex Grossman and Jason Campbell, but I believe the cost was too high and I don't think he'll stick around DC for a REASONABLE number in 2011. This is a one-and-done, ala John Wall, and my bracket saw how that turned out....

This week's THE FLETCH goes Around the Dial

Seriously, I didn't come up with the name. But pick up a copy of Score Atlanta anyway. Or visit www.scoreatl.com....the link is at the bottom of the page!

Urban Meyer is CRAZY. There is not much more you can say. The guy wins two national titles and has his undefeated Florida team ready to play Alabama in Atlanta at the Georgia Dome and less than 6 hours after the game, he is in the hospital for “dehydration.” Then the day after Christmas, Meyer retires, only to take it back just days later. Meyer’s leave of absence lasts about twenty minutes and then he is back at Florida spring practice where the spit hits the fan. A Gator beat writer that writes a blog for the Orlando Sentinel accurately quotes Florida receiver Deonte Thompson in regards to new QB John Brantley and how he is a “real” quarterback, unlike Tebow (that sentence was taken out of context but the one Jeremy Fowler included in his blog was the full quote), and Meyer just goes off. After Fowler put the quote in his blog, sports outlets across the country ran with it, including 680 The Fan’s Buck & Kincade Show, and it suddenly had legs.
In case you were wondering, here is the actual quote from Fowler’s blog on orlandosentinel.com: You never know with Tim,” Thompson said. “You can bolt, you think he’s running but he’ll come up and pass it to you. You just have to be ready at all times. With Brantley, everything’s with rhythm, time. You know what I mean, a real quarterback.”
Fowler didn’t strip down the quote chop-shop style or take it out of context. He did his job and reported the quote, like any good reporter would do. And Meyer felt the need to berate the reporter, calling him “a bad man, a bad guy,” in front of rolling cameras. He yelled at Fowler, “Don’t mess with our players. Don’t do it. You did it.” He dressed down Fowler during practice and then threatened Fowler’s livelihood by threatening to ban the paper from the program. The Sentinel would have had no choice but to replace Fowler, which would mean either reassigning the reporter or even firing him. FOR DOING HIS JOB. As a beat writer myself for the Atlanta Braves, I have a problem with what Meyer did. You don’t dress a reporter down when he ISN’T AT FAULT because you are “standing up for your player.” Give me a break. How about you tell Thompson to think about what he says before he says it? How about you not let him speak to the media if he cannot do that? OR if you DO have a problem with what was written, why not pull the reporter to the side for a private discussion?
What was the reaction to Meyer is Atlanta? 790 The Zone’s Chris Dimino said he was a bully, and Dimino is spot on. Meyer at one point told Fowler that they would be fighting if Thompson was a member of his family. Fowler cannot fight back; otherwise he would have been kicked off the beat. John Kincade of 680 the Fan echoed the sentiment that Meyer was a bully. Brandon Adams of 790 the Zone’s Brandon and Woolvy came down the hardest, calling Urban “amateurish,” and saying that Meyer acted like a coward in not bringing in Jeremy Fowler privately to discuss the situation. Then Adams was striking the Coward Drum again when it was reported that Meyer had privately apologized to Fowler, saying that Meyer should have publicly apologized to the reporter, in the same forum where he called the reporter out.
Perhaps of all of the opinions shared on Atlanta radio though would be when Adams said something that I had not thought about but now agree with: Urban Meyer is a far superior coach in comparison to Mark Richt; Mark Richt is a far superior man than Urban Meyer. Adams noted that several years ago when Richt had a problem with Jeff Schultz of the AJC, he called him out in a press conference. When word got back that it was not Schultz but in fact another writer that had posted a headline for Schultz’s column, Richt opened up his weekly press conference with an apology. Classy move for Richt; not sure Meyer would ever be able to put himself out there like that.

The Two Live Stews duked it out last week and the event was captured on video. Personally, I watched the “fight of the century,” go down on www.790thezone.com website, but I’ve heard that some people listened to it live on the air, and they weren’t sure if it was just a “for radio only,” or if it was real. It was real…sort of. It did not quite live up to the legend of the Chuck Smith/Chuck Oliver throwdown, but still it was entertaining to watch. Ryan appeared to get the better of Doug during the two encounters, but perhaps the entire ordeal could have been prevented if only Dough had been more polite to Jazzy aka the First Lady of Sports. Ryan “defended” Jazzy’s honor after he felt Doug “disrespected” her. OR PERHAPS the entire ordeal could have been prevented if they had stuck to talking about sports instead of brining in someone to talk about when Mary J Blige might next release an album.

Speaking of “Duke”…Duke’s Coach K appeared on Mayhem in the AM last week before his team took out Purdue and Baylor to reach this weekend’s Final Four. Sadly he did not tell a knock-knock joke. One thing I found interesting though, and credit the guys from Mayhem for asking about this particular Duke team, was that Coach K said these Blue Devils were “not a great team, but a very good team.” After a wild weekend where Kentucky, Syracuse and Ohio State went down, leaving Duke as the lone No.1 seed remaining and the favorite to win the Big Dance on Monday, it speaks volumes as to the state of college basketball. At various points in the season you could point to Duke and snicker to think that they were the best team in the land, but hey, they just might win the title. But isn’t the tournament fun? Wait, you don’t enjoy the upsets that much anymore because it ruins the Elite 8? Oh you agree with me now.

CAN YOU BELIVE HE JUST SAID THAT!?!?
“It (the snow) was just ridiculous!” I get it. Perry Laurentino’s “character” on the Rude Awakening is the curmudgeon that somehow is a fan of some of history’s best sports teams from across the country with no rhyme or reason (except to get under the skin of Atlanta fans). But I think it might be time to readjust the character that Laurentino plays. When Christopher Rude was out and Perry had to run point on the show, he came off as a quick-witted, spirited discussion leader that reined Leo in whenever he got too crazy and still made points of his own that provoked thought. The bitter part of Perry was put away in a shelf, which was nice. Was it Kincade-lite? Yes, but it worked. However now that the bitterness (over what, I’m not sure) is back, I just miss that Perry, More of that version, less of this version.