Last night, maybe the 19th greatest thing EVER to happen to television happened: American Gladiators RETURNED to TV. I was so excited the weeks leading up to last night (and tonight) that I almost couldn't stand myself. My bride-to-be said she was going out of town for business for the week, but I know she REALLY left because I was going crazy over the two-day return of American Gladiators. I loved this show back in the 1990s. Thunder, Crush, the deaf chick, Larry Czonka, YOU COULDN'T LOSE with these guys. The Joust, Assault (not a Colt Brennan reference), the Eliminator. What a great show.
Well after watching the two hour premire last night, I have to say it excells in some places the other show didn't, yet in some spots tweaking needs to take place. Here are my thoughts as I kept a stack of post-its beside me for note-taking.
First thing is....what is with the water? Is that going to be the new "thing" with this series? Everything is over water. I guess that is cooler than everything being over padding, so if you fall off the joust or the bridge-con-demolition balls, you get humiliated and have to do the post-event interview soaking wet. Maybe if it was over lava. Hmmm something for the show to consider.
I heard one of the male gladiators was formerly in gay porn. Watching the promos for the series I thought it HAD to be "Wolf." Wolf is the guy that looks like Ben Stiller's character from Dodgeball and he howls after everything he does. I thought it HAD to be him....but then I saw "Titan." Now I am not sure. This Titan character has that look of gay porn, like maybe he was the "receiver" in a few of the scenes. Not that I would know what gay porn stars look like.....[move on quickly!]
The women's gladiator jouster "Crush," was HOT. She is seriously hot. Like really hot. That was the problem with the old gladiator women, they looked JUST like the men, but with longer, more 80s hair. Not very attractive. Apparently NBC took the memo from FNL (sex up ALL of the characters) and applied it to American Gladiators. Which I don't have a problem with. They probably won't be as strong as the old gladiators, but they are CERTAINLY HOTTER. Sex sells.
Did the woman who just hurt herself on the FIRST HIT, REALLY just call the American Gladiators the "best athletes in the world?" really? my problems here are two-fold. 1 you hurt yourself on the first hit. Was there not a tryout or something where maybe you could have gotten hit and shown you can't get tackled? You also talked about coming back next year to compete for your kids...if you can't take a hit NOW, what makes you think that after another year of motherhood and getting older you could magically take a hit again? 2 did you really just call these guys the "best athletes in the world?" really? If they were soooooo great, would the guys still be playing football like they were before they weren't good enough for the NFL and had to switch to being a "gladiator?" just asking....
Wolf howls a lot. I mean a LOT.
So Chad the skateboarder is going against AA the NYC Fireman. Chad really sucks, but he is talking SO much smack. I think the producers WANT them to talk a bunch of junk this year. I dunno. But Chad is OVER the top. Add him to the list of skateboarders I hate. Yep, right behind Ryan (the 17 year old millionaire with "real problems" on MTV) and Rob (of MTV's Rob and Big "fame") Yep. List of three. BUT HE IS THERE! And PS, shouldn't a firefighter clearly beat a skateboarder? I mean REAL occupation v a guy that never realized that skateboarding was for 13 year olds that once they got their driver's license REALLY should have given it up. Sorry Seth Cohen.
Venom, another woman gladiator is HOT. But she weighs more than me. It is probably all muscle though. That is kinda hot too. Anyways, she was defending the pyramid. I don't know. All of the tumbling was strangly hot. Venus (the Asian contestant) and Venom tumbling...hot.
Toa did the Ha'a dance before he defended the pyramid against the firefigher. He had ABOUT the same success Hawaii did when they did the dance before they played Georgia in the Sugar bowl. the firefighter get 5 points and after deeking the guy out of his jock he was .004 seconds away from getting the full 10 points. Word of advice to EVERYONE: don't do the Ha'a to fire yourself up. IT DOESN'T WORK, unless you are playing in the WAC
I am NOT a fan of this life coach woman contestant. She just bothers me. She is too peppy, plus the front of her outfit is just not flattering. I don't wanna call it fupa, i don't wanna call it camel-toe, but it is something.....
Time for the eliminator! YES! Although, where are the gladiators at the end, waiting for you to pick the wrong/right door? Come on!
THE LIFE COACH JUST QUIT AS SHE HAD A HUGE LEAD! She couldn't make it up the diagonal treadmill. REALLY? DID she just give up? How did that happen? Isn't she a life coach? Should she have hired herself to make it up there? Wait, shouldn't she have to get a new line of work? I wouldn't want her as my life coach-she gave up. Was she REALLY that tired? Maybe both of the contestants weren't in that great of shape. SHE GAVE UP. How does that happen?
On to the men. They seemed to have a little easier time with the course, but the NYCFF was a TERRIBLE swimmer. I hope he never has to swim to put out a fire. That didn't make sense. I am still steamed about no gladiators at the finish line.
They just ran the lineup of gladiators. MAN so of the women are hot. Sex sells on NBC!
HOUR 2
So Mully the self-described "crazy Asian" is up against Jeff a guy who missed a tryout back in 1994, so he is back. Whatever. They go in the gauntlet and MAN does Titan work that big rod well. (gay porn reference there!)
Wolf calls out for his "Wolf Pack" Really?
But Jeff is REALLY a fighter in the gauntlet. I life the feistyness. So does Titan apparently.
Shanay Norvell (no relation for Deborah) is up next against Bonnie Blanco the 25-year old ex-marine mother of 2. I am 26, not married with no kids. She is one year younger, con dos ninas and retired. wow.
So the Men joust now. And Gladiator Mayhem DQs himself twice. WHAT? he is the gladiator expert? huh? He just DQed himself twice. HE KNEW what NOT to do, and he did it anyway. Mayhem! Come on bro!
So Shanay said the gladiators were "all shooken up" So the gladiators are some of the "best athletes in the world" and the contestants are "really smart" rrrright
In "Hang Tough" (New Kids on the Block) Fury goes against the women. She is hot. She reminds me of Eliza Douchekoo, but with a big ponytail on top of her head. Bonnie drops Fury off the rings, and gets 5 points. Then Shanay goes and she easily gets her 10 points. Whomever goes second clearly has the advantage. They get a weakened gladiator, plus they see what worked and didn't. They should have fresh gladiator and contestant in an isolation booth.
Finally the eliminator rolls around. Jeff lost to Mully and he started crying. Maybe he was crying because he ranked being on American Gladiators as the 3rd greatest thing in his life behind having a child and getting married. REALLY, That's number 3? Not graduating from high school or college? Not getting a great job? American Gladiators?
Then Bonnie went and busted her nose on the swimming portion of the Eliminator. Apparently she couldn't judge 20 meters underwater and came up after 2 meters and busted her nose on a pipe. HA! And I was really rooting for her too.
Oh well. Can't wait for tonight and to see my girl Crush. GLADIATORS ARE BACK BABY!
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