Was it Ed or Ted?, Krazy Kristian leaves, MJ wuz murdered?, Chris Brown sentenced, got a Camaro-get a pizza!, and would SOME ONE GET THESE M-Fin' SNAKES OFF MY M-Fin' CANE?
Ladies and gentlemen, the MIDWEEK ENTERTAINMENT REPORT!
CLAPCLAPCLAPCLAP WHIP! (Did some one just throw a bra at me?)
So Edward aka Ted Kennedy died last night. Is it Edward or Ted? And where did Ted come from? Is it because your name sort of SOUNDS like Ed? I don't get that. I guess that's where Dick came from with Richard. Richard is shortened to Rich which misspelled is Rick and Dick rhymes with Rick.... I guess the same logic applies. Apparently when Ed/Ted Kennedy died though it was of cancer and not some one driving his car into a river then leaving the scene.
Speaking of death....MJ's death was ruled a homicide. They killed the King? Who could have done that? MacBeth? I KNEW IT! Seriously though, this wasn't a homicide, this was a suicide. It's all a coverup. And even if it WAS a homicide, it got a pedophile out of the world. Not a bad thing... Ain't Nothing strange about your daddy! Thanks Rev. Al! (and the Soup for the idea)
Let's move on to happier topics. Chris Brown was sentenced to 5 years probation for using Rihanna's face as a speed bag. Apparently this was a harsher sentence than she wanted. I guess this was she cannot have her people beat him up yet for 5 years....
Papa John found his long-lost camaro and since he's lost his mind, he is giving away pizza today to anyone with a camaro. Good timing J-Bone. The cash for clunkers campaign ended Monday so everyone got rid of their jalopies already. You ARE a wise one Papa John
Did you catch More To Love last night? If you DID, let me give you the highlights...
-Kristian is KRAZY. straight up. Did you see her staring down the other fat chick on their double date with Luke? I mean he kissed them both, but still.
-Malissa goes up in a helicopter with Luke. Ummm, I know elevators have weight restrictions, don't helicopters too? I would worry that thing would have fallen out of the air.
-Mandy apparently forgot that other women are allowed to be on the show at one point last night. Weird. Oh, and Luke is required to kiss EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM EVERY EPISODE. You know his agent put that in the contract. Probably had to take less money, but I guess Luke thinks it is worth it. YEAH, FAT CHICK KISSES!
-Tali refuses to don a bathing suit in the hottub and at the beach. I wish more of the girls refused as well. Of course, I'm sure Fox FORCES them to because Fox wants to help me keep the weight up. Fox is ACTUALLY doing a public service by showing these crazy fat chicks, reminding us to stay sane and slim.
-The Girls make Luke cupcakes but I wonder if any of them made it to Luke's mouth. There were FOUR girls making the cupcakes.... It reminds me of Chris Farley on that one SNL sketch when he's a mall girl..
-LUKE has man-boobs and he brags about them and makes the girls lather them up in sunscreen.
-Kristian tries to tell Luke she loves him in three different languages. Barf. (Wait, if the girls did that, they wouldn't be as fat!)
- Finally Kristian and Heather go home while Tali stays and SHE wanted to leave. WOW. I was afraid Kristian might slaughter all of the girls that stayed.
And then eaten them.....
That's it for me everybody. Have a great rest of the week. Look out for my media column tomorrow and the rest of Paul Mac's Big11 preview.
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