Christmas presents from SportsbyFletch

Here at SportsByFletch, we are in the Christmas Spirit. (Sorry, we are pro-Christmas here. I love Hanukkah and all but we're giving away Christmas presents.) We've decided to give some presents out to our favorite celebs and sports stars. Hey, we feel it is better to give rather than receive. And to all of the folks who DIDN'T get a Christmas present from SBF, well then maybe you should be a better boy/girl next year.

With no further ado.......

For Sara from The RUINS, a shred of dignity. Way to let Kenny walk ALL over you on The Ruins and say all of that trash to you just because you have a crush on him. As much as I blushed at what Johnny Bananas said on the reunion how Sara acted like an abused wife but making excuses, he was spot on.

Lauren Conrad: A reset button. Are you still happy with your decision to leave The Hills? I mean I am because the show got 1006X better once you left and Kristin came aboard, but I feel bad that you don't have a TV show anymore.

Tim Tebow: some vagisil. I am assuming you got sand in your vagina and THAT is why you were crying at the end of the SEC Championship game and NOT because you lost. From some of the ladies I've spoken with, sand up there CAN hurt. That's why you were crying, right Tim? And not because you lost and are a poor sport. Right?

Charlie Crist the Governor of Florida: A copy of Todd McShay's mock draft. This way he can see that Tim Tebow ISN'T a first round prospect or even a second round prospect. Or even a third round.....Hey Charlie, you think a back-up QB could save the Jacksonville Jags (who might make the playoffs this season) moreso than using the team's first round pick on someone who MIGHT ACTUALLY MAKE AN IMPACT? Moron. How'd you get elected?

Vinny from The Jersey Shore: antiperspirant. Enough said (PS, wasn't it funny last night when all the guys are working out, except for Vinny.)

Pauly D from The Jersey Shore: a sponsorship with Malibu Tans and Aussie Gel. Think how much money he'd save. (I thought Tom aka JWoww's boyfriend making fun of his hair)

Russell from Survivor: A jury that will vote for the best player and not for a former Galu member or because some one needs the money. And how CLUTCH was Russell last night when he pulled the string on the rewards challenge without dropping a coconut? His team was GOING to lose-thanks Jaison!- but he came THROUGH! And for Nat and Brett....the prayer warrior thing didn't help that much did it. NOPE.

Shambo from Survivor: a weedwacker so she can get a haircut. 1986?! Trim the mullet. NOT a good look.

Obama: a Golden Globe nomination. Well he didn't do anything to earn the Nobel Peace Prize, I figured he should get a GG nom for not doing a movie or TV show...Oh, wait, I wouldn't be surprised if he won BEST in an inauguration day performance. Hey, the celebs do love their celeb president.

Friday Night Lights: VIEWERS! This way maybe we could have more than 13 episodes in a season that I cannot watch until AFTER football is over....

Coach Mark Richt: a defensive coordinator. Bud Foster and Kirby have turned him down moreorless by reupping with their current employers. Now it might be Ellis Johnson or Vic Koenning. I think I'd rather go with one of the Up-and-comers over these retreads. I'd rather wake up tomorrow and say "WHO?" opposed to "WHY?" as in Who is this guy opposed to WHY'd we hire him? Get some fresh ideas opposed to a guy that has helped South Carolina to the papajohns.com bowl or a dude that was fired from Klimpsen and just left K-State for Illinois....

BalloonBoy's father: a Television appearance he REALLY wants...on Court TV. Throw this dude's butt in jail for obstruction, child endangerment, misleading police...everything. All he wants is attention? He'll get plenty....in prison...but Boggs and the boys.

Sammi Sweetheart from The Jersey Shore: A new shirt. She wears that one with the slits on the back/side EVERY time they go out. Is that the only shirt you brought?

The Situation from The Jersey Shore: a 4 to come back to the house. The Situation has been this: only 2s. But I guess that is all a meathead who refers to himself in the fourth person can pull in when he lives with his parents.

Derek Lowe: a reality check. Hey DLowe, first off, remember paying BASEBALL IS A BUSINESS. You got paid 15M last year for 15 wins and 8-7 down the stretch. Not good my man. And now your feelings are hurt because the Braves are trying to unload your salary? Grow up dude. Take the ball every fifth day and pitch BETTER and that way the Braves will want to keep you! Posting an ERA under 5 might be a good start...

Mark Fox: The phone numbers to all of the Georgia High School basketball coaches and perhaps a road map to Wheeler and Columbia and Norcross. Start signing this in-state talent Coach. That's how Harrick went to two straight tourneys and would have gone to a third, but the program panicked. Hitting Florida is nice, but get some of this in-state talent please. And Stop letting them go to Tennessee (Knoxville and Memphis!) Start with teaming up with Richt and getting Nick Marshall from Wilcox.

Wendy Williams: ONE Soup episode without Joel McHale mocking her. Wait, that would punish ME. Nevermind.

The Children of the World: Peace knowing that Michael Jackson will never touch them again. (This one was easy to give)

Shirley Franklin aka the Mayor of Atlanta: the door hitting her on the way out. She's gone....thankfully.

Tiger: the penthouse at The Palms Hotel in Vegas. Imagine with his money and all of those women......

Cohutta from the Ruins: a check for SOME money, since he took out about 12 of the champions. A lot of that was REALLY unexpected but I am not ready to put him up on the rushmore of Challenge players. That list right now: Alton (the guy pulled a TRUCK BY HIMSELF!) Evan (The guy is pretty much unstoppable when he is forced to do work. Plus he is mastermind behind everything.) Abram (unstoppable in the Inferno 2, I believe) and Landon (though Landon WAS undone by Brad's throwing of the wire in that one duel.

Finally, Bronne: a lifetime invitation to future challenges. This guy would ROCK in the house and add SO MUCH more entertainment to my Wednesday nights. He would get another chance to introduce himself as "bronne, like the paper towel" and I bet he'd be pretty good in the challenges too.