If you didn't catch last night's two hours of The Jersey Shore, what the heck were you doing? Were you watching Jay Leno's failed show? Some "exciting" A-10 college basketball? Private Practice? COME ON! FLIP ON THE JERSEY SHORE!
Well, a quick recap since apparently you did miss it (or a reminder if you caught it...) everything started out the fallout from Ronnie "domestically abusing" Sammi. Umm, Sam, you were the one who wouldn't shut her mouth and while Wifey says that Ronnie did push her (i think he was just getting her away from the situation...no not that situation!) she also admitted that Sammi was totally blowing it out of proportion. (This was all while Wifey was "reading her book" and not watching that trash!)
The next night, after Snooki admitted that she wanted everyone to hang out and Sam and Ronnie not to take off early, seemingly everyone brought someone back to the house for a "slumber party." Vinny decided to bring his mother's friend back to the house. This chick wasn't a cougar; she was a sabertooth tiger, is how old she was. Mike brought home a quasi-attractive chick (a change for the Situation!) and Snooki brought home a farmer. That entire exchange was funny in that she couldn't wrap her head around the fact that a non-guido would go to the Jersey Shore (and frankly I cannot understand that either!). But both Snooki and Vinny broke up the Situation's sexin' in the hottub, which is quite funny.
Snooki ultimately just made out with the farmer though she wanted sex. Why? because "he was clean!"
Vinny later starts to shitetalk The Situation which was classic in that the Situation tells Vinny he has no game and he has all of the game. He then openly admits that the chicks he brings home are 3s and 4s, but at least he's bringing home girls. Mike, I guess you could also always just bring home blind and retarted girls too....
How does Vinny get him back? He nails Mike sister. NICE!
Pauley D gets stalked by a Jewish girl he went out with once though it looked later in the two hours like, despite the fact they broke up and she is BAT SHIT CRAZY, that he was still trying to hit that. Why? I don't know why. I also don't know why he thinks his hair looks good.
Then the crew goes to Atlantic City where Mike makes fun of Snooki for being fat, and he caught Ty-sized crap for it (RW:DC reference there) despite the fact he was telling the truth. Why? He was being truthful, yet he gets yelled at.
Later JWowW gets mega-drunk and asks Mike to take her up to her room. He declines because he is creeping on a girl he just committed a Robbery on Vinny with. JWowW slaps him and is thrown out of the club, to walk back to the room alone....which she successfully does. Why could she not do this without Mike's help? Dunno. Back to the robbery, Mike do you REALLY want to make out with this who-ahh after she was JUST sticking her tongue down Vinny's throat? I wonder how many STDs he caught from her?
Vinny tries to play it off like he gave Mike the girl...Vin, Vin, Vin, he stole her and you should have just said as much, then called her a whore and remind him you boinked his sister. YOU'LL WIN EVERY ARGUMENT WITH HIM BY SAYING THAT!
So JWowW punches Mike, and I didn't think that was a big deal. Mike tries to make it a big deal, but BFD is all I have to say. Trash hitting the situation, big whoop.
Back in Seaside, the Situation puts pickles under Snooki's bed then puts milk and cheese under Vinny's. Is he 27 or 7? I'm not sure. No wonder all you can get is 2s and 3s Mike. The best part was thought that Snooki was upset, not about the smell, but that the pickles were gone. HA!
Snooki also later was trying to be classy when she once again started making out with a dude with a boyfriend, then left him "because she doesn't do that!" and then jumped on the farmer's back but quickly got down. Her reasoning: I'm not trashy...unless I'm drunk. THAT IS WHAT SHE ACTUALLY SAID!
So the crew goes out one last time and Ronnie and Sam don't leave early and for the SECOND STRAIGHT TIME OUT, Ronnie gets into a fight on the way home. This time though, after it is 4 am and they've been there since midnight, so I'm tired after 5 hours, (yep, he said that!) they are on the way home, he punches a guy and gets arrested.
And scene. Hey ROID HEAD, quit getting into fights with the townies who just want to be on TV. Realize that! They just want to be on TV! move on! But that wouldn't be the guido code I guess.
Lastly, next week is the finale and that's sad. MTV had BETTER let these guys on the challenges otherwise I don't know WHAT I'm going to do. Just saying...
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