Monday, March 3, 2008

Top 105 TV Cartoon Characters, contd.......

Here we go. Same rules apply. Nos. 60-41. Enjoy....

60 Ren and Stimpy Without a doubt the MOST disgusting couple on this list. These guys would gross each other out, with Ren calling Stimpy a “freaking Idiot!” They would eat boogers or toenails, but I guess that is what animals do. Eat ANYTHING. And that is sort of funny, so Happy Happy Joy Joy!

59 Fred –scooby doo Fred in his stupid little sailor suit was the unquestioned leader of the mystery machine gang and he even called the others “Gang,” as in come on MY GANG. He thought he was hot stuff, and the dude MUST have had some serious behind the scenes game to get Daphne all the time. Very rarely did a plan come up from Velma that he didn’t steal and say was his own. Though most of the time Scooby and Shaggy bumbled into catching the villain, usually Fred was there to unmask the perp and steal MOST of the spotlight. I kept waiting for Velma one day to just explode on Fred, but she never did, possibly holding out hope that Fred would one day get with her. Never happened though.

58-Jane Jetson George Jetson’s hot redhead wife didn’t really do a whole lot since they had Rosie the robot maid. I always wondered what Jane did for all hours of the day since she couldn’t go for a walk outside, as they were floating in orbit. I guess she just hung out with the Robot and maybe got her space nails done or something. At least Wilma from the Flintstones did housework. Jane was just a stay-at-home-don’t-do-much-because-we-have-a-maid wife. Possibly the basis for Julie Cooper-Nickle-Cooper-Roberts-Atwood? MAYBE!

57 Gonzo The “weirdo” is going to be based ONLY on the Muppet Babies, I always thought, if he had wanted, he could have seized control of the room from Kermit. He had Animal and I think he could have talked Fozzie into switching over to his side. But he never tried a coup de tat and for that, I punish him with his placement here. I also thought it was funny how he loved Miss Piggy, but he loved birds too, and when he would stop “loving” Miss Piggy and start on a bird, she would get all pissy, until he liked her again, and she could go BACK to giving him the cold shoulder. I hate it when girls play games. It is wrong

56 Tazmanian Devil Now I know Tasmanian devil is spelled like this, but I believe that the cartoon spelled it with a Z. This guy would eat anything and traveled in a cyclone. That is pretty sweet. He mostly interacted with Daffy, though sometimes Sylvester was involved and occasionally Bugs Bunny would “tunnel” his way down undah to visit with him. His mile-a-minute antics I found charming, even if he was 10X the size of a real Tasmanian devil.

55 Snidley Whiplash Dudley Do-Right’s evil nemesis, HE was the guy that inspired me to write my first 790 The Zone article (Sergio Needs a Mustache) This guy tied Nell to railroad tracks and for the most part got the better of Dudley. It was the horse (Named Horse) he could never beat. I also think Nell kind of enjoyed being “kidnapped” by Snidley. The whole kidnap fantasy that I hear some women enjoy. This guy defined the stereotypical villain from the early days: black hat, mustache, accent. He would never fly today though. Just wouldn’t. We’ve grown away from that bad guy stereotype to where now they have to be evil geniuses or something. If this came out today, Snidley would look like Anthony Hopkins.

54 Wilma Flintstone Unlike Jane from The Jetsons, Wilma actually worked while Fred was doing his work for Mr. Slate. Wilma had a dino-vacuum, a pelican trashcan, a woolly mammoth shower. She was quite well off when it came to being a Cavewife. I am still not sure why she married that ogre that is Fred though. Fred way overpunted his coverage, but good for him. I just hope Wilma didn’t have one of those complexes that she thinks she is ugly when she isn’t, or she thinks she needs to lose weight when she doesn’t. You know chicks like that. OH, they aggravate me.

53 Dudley Do-right and his Horse (Named Horse) I think this cartoon was simply made to poke fun of our neighbors to the north, in saying THIS doofus is your best hope! Well, if that is true, I don’t know if I could sleep at night, knowing that a Mountie is my only protection. The USA has GI Joe, Canada has Dudley Do-Right who is so inept, it takes his horse (named Horse) to help him out of trouble. Yeah, Canada, a horse is your best hope against terrorists. Nice. But I still believe Canadians (and gay folks) are the funniest people in the world. I wish I knew more of both.

52 Dr. Claw and Mad Cat You never saw Dr. Claw, just his hand. I always thought he was somehow deformed or something. Then the live action movie came out and it was Rupert Everet. That was a letdown. I was hoping for a guy that was burned in a fire ala Annakin Skywalker/Darth Vader and the CLAW was the only thing we would even WANT to look at. But for this guy was soooo terrible, he didn’t want to kill Gadget, just “Eliminate HIM!” Actually, that may have shown that he had a softer side. You don’t necessarily NEED to kill Gadget, just eliminate him from the equation, ie, send him to Naples or something. Mercy is a sign of weakness, according to Dwight from The Office.

51 Fat Albert and the gang One of Fat Albert’s friends wore a chicken bucket hat. Nice. And who hasn’t done that “Hey Hey Hey” catchphrase when a fat person walked by? Mean? Yes. Funny? That too. And if you ever met a fat black dude named Albert, you could tell he wanted to punch you if you ever brought this up.

50 Clifford the Big Red Dog This was another bone I threw to the Bride-to-be, since she says she used to watch this show. I remember the books, where he was LITERALLY a big red dog. I never understood that. Was I a chemical spill that morphed him into this? I dunno.

49 Chip and Dale-Rescue Rangers These chipmunks could never match Alvin, Simon and Theodore, but they did solve crimes. And who can forget that theme song? Yeah. Thought so.

48 Uncle Scrooge He appeared in the HD&L show Duck Tails. I won’t hate on this guy. He made his money and he wanted to protect it. Was he a little cheap? Yes, but do you know how many rich people are cheap? A bunch of them. They don’t want to squander it, or get taken advantage of. I will not fault this guy for his tough love approach either. If his family wanted money, EARN it, like he did. No handouts from this guy. Good for him. He never fell prey to the hangers on that so many NBA players fall victim to. (LeBron James, cough)

47 Eyore I lost my tail. Did anyone else ever find it disturbing that his tail was NAILED to him? A blue donkey with a NAILED on tail. Didn’t that hurt?

46 Barney Rubble Another guy I would nominate for all-time second bananas, this guy REALLY became popular in the Fruity Peebles commercials. Barney was ALWAYS getting Fred into trouble, but I think that maybe because of Barney, some of Fred’s BAD ideas never got finished. Barney MAY have saved Fred and Wilma’s marriage, you never know. He is like a guy that forgets to rent two hotel rooms when you go to Vegas, thus you have to share and you can’t bring a legal prostitute up to your room, because your buddy is there. Barney is that type of guy that would have forgotten and made Fred share his room. Maybe Barney did that stuff on purpose, and was sort of the moral compass for Fred.

45 Underdog Speed of Lightning, Pour of Thunder, Fighting All Who … Rob or Plunder. This lovable dog should REALLY move up the list if recent Westminster Kennel Club champion Uno plays him in a movie. The best part of Underdog was how he could stop a laserbeam with his hands. Then he would go back to being a paper-dog afterwards. The only negative about this cartoon was, it was a ripoff of Rocky and Bullwinkle with Klondike Kat and the Penguin & Walrus skits. Underdog was the top billing of a bunch of crap and it brought him down. He was like Johan Santana on the Twins, needing to get to a contender to REALLY take off. Or for you MTVers out there, he was Isaac on Real World Sydney…just bidding his time until he can EXPLODE on Inferno 4!

44 Brain This dog was awesome. His collar was a phone that stupid Penny gave him the updates on how to protect Inspector Gadget, but while Penny was safe at home, Brain was out in the field ACTUALLY carrying out the plan. Brain was risking himself running the play while Penny would be up in the booth like an Offensive coordinator, just calling plays and stealing credit. Brain’s range though, from cross-dressing, to dancing to flying helicopters, the dog could do most anything. How does a dog learn how to wear drag, then be a waiter, then fly a plane all in one episode? His range was unreal.

43 Fozzie Bear Though he might be the second least funniest being alive (with me rocking the #1 spot) he never gave up. He was ALWAYS trying new material, and you just got the feeling that ONE day he would finally be funny after years of trying and failing. Kind of like Ben Stiller. But we are still waiting on him too.

42 Yosemite Sam I loved how this guy was created to MAKE FUN of redneck southerners and they are even still too stupid to realize this, because they put him on the mudflaps for their trucks. Or they have embraced the stereotypes, which is just sad.

41 Boris and Natasha This villainous duo could never quite finish the job when it came to Moose and Squirrel, but they can’t really be faulted. The writers created them as a stab at communism and the Soviet Union. Mr. Big, their boss was really a small lunatic that once you got down to it, could have easily been defeated, much like the USSR, and that is how it turned out. They also answered to “Fearless Leader” and he was obvie a reference to early century Germany, but we won’t go there. Boris and Natasha were supposed to come close to capturing the Americans, like the Soviet Union, but they were never supposed to win, like the Soviet Union. America is the best and R & B always beat B & N.

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