Sportsbyfletch's All-Prison Team

When I read about the Chuckster's arrest earlier today, I thought it was kind of funny and started cobbling together the All-prison basketball team. That was too easy though as so many basketball players have been popped for DUI and whatnot, I thought I might rise to the challenge and put together my version of the all-prison team made up of football players (both college and pro) that are either in jail NOW or that have been arrested over the last few seasons. Oh course a few had to be on the list as all-timers. This is the squad I came up with......enjoy

Coach
Barry Switzer. A Super Bowl winning coach that thought he was cool enough to cruise through an airport with a loaded gun. Hey, he's Barry Freaking Switzer! He can do what he wants!
Assistant, the Lions guy that took his pants off in the Wendy's drive-thru line

Offense....
QB Is there any question? Michael Vick. Oh COURSE he is the starter. He might even play better now that he has real cred. But if you listen to the 2 Live Idiots-er I mean the Stews, they STILL say he is innocent, even though he pleaded guilty. I would put Ken Stabler as his backup.

RB. Gotta go with a two headed attack (literally) with OJ Simpson and Larry Johnson (he spit on a female. Gotta like that!) ahead of Lawrence Phillips (he only dragged a woman down the stairs of his apartment. I respect women too much to have him starting. Wait, I have a guy that killed a woman starting. OOPS!)

WR. Michael Irvin swears that was his brother's bong and his cousin's crack. COME ON ESPN! You've gotta believe that! On the other side, Plaxico Burress would be starting but he is still on the shelf after he shot himself then lied about it to authorities. Instead Chris Henry and his 194 arrests gets the nod over Rae Carruth. Carruth hired a guy to off his wife. Nice.

TE Mark Chumura. I am not sure he ever served jail time, but the guy got frisky with a 14 year old in a hot tub. And not like Will Ferrell in the SNL sketch with Jimmy Fallon where SHOCKER he laughs through the whole thing!

The OL. These big uglies seem to get in the second most trouble, after the wideouts. You would think that as big as they are, they could hold their liquor a little better. OH WELL. Let's start with two guys from UGA who couldn't hold the liquor, Kevin Perez from Miami and Daniel Inman who "you will hear things from," according to my best man Sean from our 2006 UGA boys draft (Seano took Inman #2 overall with Stafford and Lumpkin and MoMas and QMo and CJohnson all on the board. AND Inman was suspended the first two games.) On the right side of the line, you've got Anthony Parker of UT and Bryant McKinnie of the Vikings. Watch out, Mount McKinnie will spit on you if you are a bouncer. It is what he DOES! Finally, Nate Newton and his TRUNK full of pot round out this line. If you need the stuff, find Newton. YE-AH!

DEFENSE.....

The Line. Let's start off on a lighter note because these are bad dudes. Rod Coleman got arrested after his car struck a deer, but magically the case disappeared (thanks for the check Mr. Blank). He was also injured the next year when his sea-doo hit a manatee, but no charges were filed there. Speaking of Falcons, Jonathan Babineaux KILLED A DOG, THEN TRIED TO SAY THE DOG KILLED ITSELF BY RUNNING INTO A WALL. (The Dog's name was Kilo. nice). Yeah, Chimer runs into the wall ALL THE TIME! Tank Johnson, now of the Cowboys was once popped for DWI in Arizona (charges dropped) but I hear the movie Warlord was based on him. He had so many guns he could have been starting a Chicago-based Navy SEAL training base. Finally, Leonard Little killed a woman while going DUI, then got ANOTHER DUI a year or so later. Uncool.

The linebackers actually will NOT include LT, because I'm not sure he ever was arrested. That's OK, these guys are all-stars enough. Odell Thurman missed a year of UGA and would have been suspended his senior year, according to my sources, but he declared for the NFL draft, where he is now banned after being arrested 92 times? Is that count right? Hollywood Henderson safe to say had a drug problem and Ray Lewis FREAKING KILLED A GUY, STRIPPED HIS CLOTHES then excaped in his limo at the ATL Super Bowl. OK, maybe his friends killed the guy, but he was there!

The Defensive backs take a backseat to NO ONE. Pacman aka Adam Jones can't seem to stay out of the strip clubs or the wrestling ring, or JAIL. His posse (or maybe he) shot and paralyzed a bouncer at a Vegas strip club, then he slapped a lawyer at a strip club. WHY? You are rich, hire a stripper like the Duke Lax team did....wait... Tony Joiner beats out Lawyer Malloy and the Florida DB (all Malloy did was go DUI. The Florida DB whose name escapes me used a dead woman's credit card) as Joiner broke into an impound yard to get his girlfriend's car out. Who would have thought that the impound lot would be closed at 4am? He was being a gentleman! Eugene Robinson got popped for soliciting an undercover cop the NIGHT BEFORE THE SUPERBOWL! Really? And finally, Reuben Houston gets the nod for not only attempting to distribute 92 lbs of Marijuana (he pleaded guilty!) but also taking his daughter to a drug buy (ended up being a sting) then trying to say he thought the child was a Dora the Explorer doll. Class act for the Techie!

Kicker, Sabastian Janikowski got in trouble the night before the BCS championship game, once tried to bribe an officer (he then played the dumb Pollack card) then got popped for possession of the date rape drug. But hey, he also once tried a 76 yard field goal that came up short...oh well. SO DID IT! I could say that I once tried an 84 yard kick, also coming up short. Add it to my wikipedia page.

Punter Britton Colquitt. He's only had about 6 DUIs during his UT punting career. GO AWAY ALREADY!

PR/KR BJ Sams. this winner got 2 DUIs in 14 months. Yeah, HIRE A CAB!

There we go. I am thinking these guys could really take on the All-religion team (where Ray Lewis, surprisingly ALSO plays) and win. Kurt Warner would probably get distracted by praying more than watching the oncoming DLineman. It would be a fun game to watch.