Reasserting ourselves as No. 1!

I logged on to the ajc.com this morning and saw two stories about animals attacking humans (obviously the lowest of the human species since someone from the top tier ala Chuck Norris or Tim Tebow would never get attacked by an animal. They would laugh the animal off) and at first thought, "Oh no, the dominance scale MAY have to get readjusted."
But then I kept reading and actually I was a little relieved with what I found. Here are bits and excerpts from the shark attack article.

No one could even remember a shark attack along this resort-studded stretch of Mexican coast popular with surfers and Hollywood's elite. Many of the large predators had been pulled from the ocean by fishermen.
So when sharks attacked three surfers in less than a month, two fatally, it was unthinkable. The latest attack came Saturday, when a shark chomped down on the arm of surfing enthusiast Bruce Grimes, an American expat who runs a surf shop in Zihuatanejo. You here that? It had been years to the point no one could remember a shark attack. You know why? Because WE went into THEIR home field and BEAT them aka pulled them out. Yeah that's right. We basically went INTO enemy territory like Mark Richt, and like Richt usually does, we walked out as the victors!
The article continues: Grimes and a handful of other surfers were out on dark, choppy waters when he felt something lift his board. He managed about five strokes before teeth sank into his arm. "Shark!" he screamed, wresting his arm back. Grimes made it to shore, escaping with a few gashes. This shark gave its all, and the HUMAN was able to wrestle the shark for his arm back. All he got was a few gashes. That's right. We TOOK your best shot and we WON. Beyotch!
The article also interviewed several experts: University of Florida expert George Burgess' International Shark Attack File records an average of only four fatal shark attacks around the world each year. This year, there has been only one other recorded shark fatality outside Mexico — a 66-year-old surfer killed at Solana Beach, Calif. Marine biologist Chris Lowe says, "People have a much better chance of dying of food poisoning going to Mexico than being bitten by a shark," he said. "It's far more dangerous driving to the beach than it is getting in the water." First off, suspend your disbelief that a U of Florida person could be an expert on anything besides trailers, jeanshorts, mullets and wifebeaters. But only FOUR "wins for sharks" vs HOW many wins for Humans? Yeah. 4-7098653. There you go. As for Chirs Lowe, did you see HIS comment? Yeah, humans have a greater chance of getting killed by other humans in a CAR (a human invention BTW) than by a shark. Yeah.
Finally Mexican experts are planning a catch-and-release study to determine the species of sharks that has been attacking. And maritime officials, stung by the backlash over the shark hunt, have switched to conducting sea and aerial patrols to watch for sharks near shore. Where are the shark's experts? Hmmmm? Yeah they don't have any, JUST like they don't have any opposable thumbs. Yeah! Take that.

Then I ran across another article about a guy getting eaten by lions, but again, I took a little pride in this one.
Police say six caged lions left only fingers and intestines after eating a worker giving them water. The lions attacked the 49-year-old man Tuesday after he went inside their cage to deliver water, police said Wednesday. No one witnessed the attack. Environmental affairs was called to the game farm, which cages lions and other animals for tourists' viewing, to discus the fate of the lions First off, I have to say, the lions were in CAGES, the first sign of our dominance over them. Secondly, it took SIX lions to do this. Yeah, I bet the guy could have taken on FIVE, but the sixth probably sneaked up on him like the wrestlers used to back when people still watched the WWE and WCW/NWO. Did you see the part about the game farm have a BUNCH of animals in cages (yeah, we went INTO your domain and captured you WITH OUR OPPOSABLE THUMBS! NOW YOU ARE OUR ENTERTAINMENT!) Finally, we might kill the lions for killing one of us. That's right. You mess with us, this is what happens. You mess with the BULL, you get THE HORNS!

I am just proud that humans are still number one on the dominance scale and despite attacks to the throne, we still have a firm grip on the place and we won't be giving it up anytime soon. Why? We don't plan on cutting off our thumbs anytime soon. HA!